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The 10 things I hate about you, Spencer Hawes

1. You look exactly like Michael Phelps. Really the resemblance is uncanny.

You sure you didnt win 8 medals in China?

You sure you didn't win 8 medals in China?

2. Your inability to hit threes anymore. You were at one a game through November, then for whatever reason you decided to stop shooting them all together. I don’t know if this is Coach Natt’s (the worst coaching name in the NBA hands down) dirty work, but seriously Spence start chucking the long ball a la Antoine Walker please.

3. Your political agenda. A look at his Wikipedia Page will find that “Hawes is a conservative Republican and critic of Al Gore’s documentary An Inconvenient Truth.” Really Spence? I guess the f$%%ing Artic Shelf melting into a giant puddle doesn’t prove crap to this GOP supporter.No seriously he doens’t belive in global warming. Per SI.COM

“In [the class], he said, he denied the entire existence — and human cause — of global warming. When asked for his take on Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth, Hawes said, “It’s one big lie. I talked about that in my opening speech — it’s the media’s liberal over exaggeration of just about everything.”

4. Your musical taste. Now I’m probably judging this guy on one photo. But – even still, the Diplomats Spencer? It’s safe to say I’m not a fan of Dip-Set. Especially with lyrical content such as

Juelz, Dip Dip
Santana, Set, Set
Where we grip, grip, tec, tecs
Who you wit, wit
Throw up your set
Dip Set, Dip Set, Dip Set

as well as

Hang with gangs, that hang and bang
Animals, orangutans.

5. Your fashion sense. Although there’s a 20 percent chance I may own that shirt.

6. Your month of December. 30 MPG 8 PPG on 30% shooting. Ok thanks for the block and half per, but speaking as someone scoring a 2 in FG% in Roto “YOU AINT HELPIN BIG FELLA”

7. Your coaches inability to be in a photo NOT holding his head coach back from ripping x referees head off.

exhibit A

exhibit B

8. Your coaches refusal to tank the season and play you and Jason Thompson 40 mpg (Hey Coach Natt, I don’t think you’ll be fighting for that 8 seed this year.)

9.  Your teams alternate jerseys.

and most of all

10. The fact that I own your sorry, conservative, non global warming believing, poor shooting, Dip-set listening, puke colored alternate jersey wearing ass in roto.

January 3, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. spencer hawes loves the dip more then shizz tierney.

    Comment by pgliddy | January 5, 2009 | Reply

  2. I do my chicks like Ludacris, blow it out your a**.

    Comment by Juelz Santana | January 5, 2009 | Reply


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