Sleeper Pick

YOOOOOOO Sports!!!!!!!

It is 2am

But I know that I could still make a better catch than Limas Sweed if someone told me right now to run a go route down Monterey Blvd. and onto the 280 freeway here in San Francisco.  Did I just say I could do a better job catching a pass from Big Ben than a man who is 6’5 and runs a 4.55 forty? Well, at least if I dropped the ball I wouldn’t waste an injury timeout wallowing in my own pity-party. Failing even that, I know I could draft Desean Jackson in the first round of the 2008 NFL Draft. I COULD. PICK ME FOR GM CLUELESS OWNER OF THE NINERS. PICK ME!!!!!! [waves arms frantically]. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO HEAR THE WORDS “Kentwan Balmer” UTTERED AGAIN.

Wait, why on earth did I waste my opening on the inept offenses in the coma-inducing AFC Championship Game? Everybody wants to hear about the explosiveness of Larry Fitzgerald and Desean Jackson, or perhaps the cunning of our favorite supermarket shelf-stocker, Kurt Warner. People probably don’t want to hear about Emil’s designs on the Cromartie gene pool, but you gotta take the good with the bad. Kinda like putting the hopes of your season on a rookie QB with a unibrow much fiercer than his catatonic, I mean, placid demeanor. I think the unibrow created the 8 foot blind spot that Troy Polamalu was hiding in.

It’s now 2:30am and I’m turning malicious and about as funny as Carrot Top or Howie Long.

Without further adieu, everything you wanted to know about the AFC & NFC Championship games but were afraid to ask. Continue reading

January 20, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Am I the only Pats fan furious about Matt Cassel getting franchised?

By this guy’s count, there are at least 7 teams that would kill to start Tom Terrific’s back up, who is making 14 million next year ($13,970,000 more then this guy.) “How nice,” you think to yourself, “to know that if number 12 doesn’t start the season at least that guy’s team has a quarterback in the bullpen (take that mixed sports analogies!) who last threw for 3700 yards and 21 TD’s.” Why wouldn’t the lot of you think that this guy is all cheesed that the Patriots have found a potential life after Tom Brady?

COMMANDMENT ONE OF TEN : THERE IS NO LIFE AFTER TOM BRADY.

(still debating on whether “COMMANDMENT ONE OF TEN: THOU SHALL NOT LIVE A LIFE AFTER TOM BRADY” was funnier)

I’m gonna give it to you raw right now (that’s what she said): The Patriots dropping 14 million on Matt Cassel is the biggest slap to Tom Brady’s face since Bridget Moynahan found out 12 wasn’t going to get back together with her (even though she pulled the goalie on the quarterback (2 for 2 on mixed sports analogies) to try and pry Mr. Cool from the  richest supermodel in the world (but, but I was in IROBOT!)))

Continue reading

January 6, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 4 Comments

The 10 things I hate about you, Spencer Hawes

1. You look exactly like Michael Phelps. Really the resemblance is uncanny.

You sure you didnt win 8 medals in China?

You sure you didn't win 8 medals in China?

2. Your inability to hit threes anymore. You were at one a game through November, then for whatever reason you decided to stop shooting them all together. I don’t know if this is Coach Natt’s (the worst coaching name in the NBA hands down) dirty work, but seriously Spence start chucking the long ball a la Antoine Walker please.

3. Your political agenda. A look at his Wikipedia Page will find that “Hawes is a conservative Republican and critic of Al Gore’s documentary An Inconvenient Truth.” Really Spence? I guess the f$%%ing Artic Shelf melting into a giant puddle doesn’t prove crap to this GOP supporter.No seriously he doens’t belive in global warming. Per SI.COM

“In [the class], he said, he denied the entire existence — and human cause — of global warming. When asked for his take on Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth, Hawes said, “It’s one big lie. I talked about that in my opening speech — it’s the media’s liberal over exaggeration of just about everything.”

Continue reading

January 3, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | 2 Comments

ESPN is copying us

Just when we do a podcast discussing what the next schematic revolution in the NFL might be, ESPN the magazine does a cover piece on the A-11. I guess that’s what happens when you post a podcast a week after you actually record it. Now it looks like we’re copying ESPN! But loyal listeners, know that I would never copy any organization that would hire Matthew Berry as a fantasy sports writer ahead of you or me.

We also briefly mention Sammy Bough two days before his unfortunate passing, but I swear we didn’t jinx the poor guy.

(This is a complete side note, but everyone knows that Sammy Baugh was a fantastic three-way player: QB, S, and P. He still has the single season record for yards per punt. That punting record, however, is not exactly what it appears to be. In the olden days of football, teams would “short-kick”, i.e. punt on 2nd or 3rd down if they wanted to gain field position or avoid playing in bad field position by making a surprise kick. Only the rare teams with QB who doubled as talented P like Baugh could use this maneuver. When Baugh punted the ball on short kicks, they mostly bounced down the field an extra 10-20 yards since the opposing team did not have any return man set up to receive the kick. So while Sammy Baugh was a great punter, treat his record with that in mind. Also, why don’t teams ever try to coach up their QB if he has a leg? This maneuver could still be very effective.)

This edition of YOOOOO . . . Sports!! has an “intelligent” (that may be an insult to quotation marks) discussion of whether being a great strategist or intense motivator is the more essential quality in a great NFL coach, a reader’s brilliant attempt to create a Pavlovian response for whenever we say “ummmm”, and some strong opinions about how fantastic the Browns-Eagles MNF game was. Let’s just say it doesn’t get any better than a Kevin Kolb vs. Ken Dorsey matchup.

A week late and a bailout short:

To drop an extra DB in coverage or to drop trou, that is the question

December 22, 2008 Posted by | Podcasts | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Marc and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Fantasy Sports Weekend

Dear ardent admirers and derelict devotees,

Tonight’s show is not for the faint of heart or the happy-go-lucky. If this show was the Chinese calendar, it would be the year of the Rat rather than Pig.

You know who tonight’s show IS for? It’s for any devoted fan or skilled fantasy sports GM who has ever been wronged by a player, coach, or team. It’s for anyone who has ever lost by one fantasy point. It’s for anyone who has suffered through freak injuries to players and freak moonings by coaches. It’s for any fan whose team fumbles the snap on the first play of the game and sees it returned for a touchdown. It’s for anyone who DOESN’T own Lance Moore and DOES own Marques Colston. It’s for anyone who is sick of hearing from whiny & spoiled Boston sports fans who cry because they have it TOO good. And above all, it’s for anyone that agrees completely with Bill O’Reilly that Matt Cassell would be crazy to go anywhere near San Francisco when he becomes a free agent next year.

It’s also kinda for people who love Mighty Ducks 3.

Without further ado, we give you:

Desperate Househusbands: the Tom Brady-Emil Kabawat-Matt Cassell edition

November 26, 2008 Posted by | Podcasts | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

And on the 5th day, God edited the world and converted it to MP3 format

Dear Faithful non-existent listeners,

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! We have edited a podcast and introduced production techniques! Brilliant! Now we’re going to make a beer ad that’s as insultingly moronic as the Bud Light “Drinkability” adds! Brilliant! Anyway . . . .

We’ve moved from the Stone Age to the Bronze Age, and straight on to your computer:

The Stache Strikes Back

This week Marc discusses the themes and motifs within Michael Jordan-Charlie Sheen Hanes’ commercials while Emil passionately advocates a “no tackling my man-crush” rule for football.

November 20, 2008 Posted by | Podcasts | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Ladies and Gentlemen . . .

Without further ado, the moment at least one or two of us have been waiting for, a link to Sleeper Pick’s first pubished podcast:

Sleeper Pick–Inaugural Podcast

We’ll have more podcasts, articles, and assorted video & article links. Check back for updates!

November 15, 2008 Posted by | Podcasts | , , , , | Leave a comment